Thursday, September 1, 2011

Let's Hate James M. Taylor

Since the eXiled updates only sporadically these days, I've taken to trolling Google News to keep my brain occupied during work hours. It's good because it keeps me informed and because it gives me fresh, smiling new targets like James M. Taylor, senior fellow for environment policy at The Heartland Institute and managing editor of Environment & Climate News.

It's a face even a mother could punch!

I have two reasons for picking on little Jimmy. First, and most obviously, he's one of those infuriating douchebags repeating the same "global warming isn't real and if it is it won't hurt anything" lies that got old twenty years ago. Here he is scoffing at the notion climate change is affecting hurricane season. This debate actually took off in 2005 and everyone with any knowledge on the subject knows it's not so much a debate of "if" but rather "to what degree." The only contrary voices you'll find are on the payroll of one petrol company or another -- or writing crappy articles for Forbes, a magazine for and by the rich established by Steve Forbes on the fortune his parents made for him.

In another article, Taylor works hard to blow Rick Perry for the "success" story of Texas. To his credit, Taylor completely ignores the fact that Texas is in a shambles and just focuses on how Perry bullied the people who wanted clean air and water. It's your standard suck piece, which Taylor has clearly done many times before. This boy ain't no virgin, that's for sure!

I usually don't like to go off on specific people, especially nobodies like Taylor. I'm a nobody myself so I understand it's rather counterproductive, like two crabs fighting over who gets to mount the dead hagfish. That's where my second reason for writing this comes in --

Let’s cut through the rhetoric and answer the global warming question of the week: Was there a link between global warming and Hurricane Irene? The answer is definitely yes... When Hurricane Irene made landfall in North Carolina, it marked the first time in over 1,000 days – just shy of three years – that a hurricane struck the contiguous United States. This matched the periods from 1980 through 1983 and 1999 through 2002 as the longest periods in recorded history that a hurricane did not strike the United States. So, we have over 100 years of human-caused global warming, yet the three longest stretches of hurricane-free conditions have occurred within the past three decades. This seems a little odd if global warming causes more hurricanes, doesn’t it?

See that? We in the blaggin' bid'ness call that "shitty writing." Here's some more --

“Global warming causes more Chicago Cubs World Series championships.”
Really? Where are all the World Series championships?

“Well, they haven’t arrived yet, but they are most certainly coming because global warming causes more Chicago Cubs World Series championships.”

Can you tell us when all these Chicago Cubs World Series championships will start happening, so we can test the prediction?

“No, but they will certainly happen.”

It has been roughly a century since you say humans have begun causing global warming. Doesn’t the fact that the Chicago Cubs STILL haven’t won any World Series championships, even after 100 years, give you reason to think you may be wrong?

“No, the lack of Chicago Cubs World Series championships merely proves that global warming is worse for the rest of major league baseball teams than we feared. The fact that Chicago Cubs World Series championships haven’t yet occurred merely means that Cubs championships will have to increase even more dramatically in future years to meet our predictions. This proves global warming is even worse than we feared for the rest of the baseball world.”

Okay, what the holy frak is Taylor babbling about? It takes half the article to understand he's on the climate change denial merry go round because his writing is just so goddamn terrible. Jimbo, take a theme and focus on it. If you need an example, I'm giving you one right now -- I hate you so everything I'm writing here is about how much you suck. Got it? Or do we need anymore remedial rhetoric lessons?

Shit like this is why I end so many posts on a cynical note. This pig-faced loser is being paid top dollar to lie -- and they're not even partisan lies! Taylor has built himself a little career out of soft-peddling a massive threat to his own species and for what? A check from Forbes and his greasy mug on a "legitimate" website?

James, it's fuckers like you that make me wonder if humans are even worth saving.

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