Thursday, January 31, 2013

The Truth About Immigration

Stop talking about immigration. Yes you - the screwhead reading this blog! Because you don't know the first damned thing about it. You're more ignorant of the American naturalization process than you are of market economics. And that's pretty fucking ignorant.

Let me explain. Immigration in the United States is assumed to be something easy, maybe even like those Ellis Island arrivals the movies told you about. Some family named Kaputnik waits in a line until the customs guy can assign them an appropriately American surname - like Carl Jr.'s - and then they're sped merrily on their way to take low-paying factory jobs and lose a limb for Freedom.

That's what you think it's like, isn't it? Well you are R-O-N-G wrong! First of all, you have to fill out an application. And attach your original birth certificate, proof of existing citizenship, and a police record even if you don't have one. And fork over a couple hundred USD in processing fees. "Give me your tired, your hungry, but fuck 'em if they can't pay!"

Wait three to six months for processing and congratulations, you're a cit - Ahahahaha! Sucker! You thought it would be that easy!?

Next up, the medical exam. Which can only be performed by an American doctor at the embassy in your home country and sucks for you if that means an extra plane ticket. Oh, and to help you adjust to the American healthcare system this doctor expects cash or he'll tell America you have leprosy or something.

So, you applied and got probed and spent a lot of dollars you probably didn't have in the first place being a desperate immigrant and all. Now you're all ready to be an Americ - Nope! Now you get to do interviews. Mostly overworked State Department drones checking to see if you're a terrorist. Or a sex-trafficker. Or a communist.

But suffer through that last indignity and you are finally an American! Sort of! You're in on an immigrant visa - after a year and several thousand dollars of effort - and maybe you'll get to do that little citizenship test and take the pledge with all the other Indian programmers. What, you thought I was explaining that process? Just getting into this overblown gated community is hard enough!

So the next time you feel like sounding off on "Why can't these durn Mexicans come here legally?" - don't. You moron.


  1. I wish more people had your blunt vociferousness.

    All over this campus (Mizzou)--a college, and not one person or organization musters up the much needed "fuck you cruel, stupid assholes. You don't have a valid point, your point is forged in ignorance and stupidity." as you do.

    The professors are even worse! Utterly gutless careerists who have no desire to raise the discourse in their classroom beyond "civil" discourse about topics that have nothing "polite" about them.

  2. Fucking ass hole from an area in this country without a immigration problem up high on your pulpit looking down.