All Aboard the GOP Waahmbulance

In the bad crazyness of the 21st century, you have to find joy wherever you can. That's why I like Barack Obama. He's a centrist wimp on the important stuff, but by virtue of being a successful black Democrat he manages something that always lifts my spirits - he drives Republicans crazy.

Let's dispense with the "pox on both your houses" posturing already. The Dems may be assholes but not one person with common sense or sufficient self-respect wants the GOP to stay in business. As if you need further evidence, you have this past week's outrage.

No, not Lena Dunham's miserable bourgeois backside - though that's plenty outrageous - I'm talking about that new Obama ad. The one where he displays bin Laden's scalp. And rightly so!

I wasn't as impressed as everyone else back when it happened and I stand by that "meh." But I don't have the slightest reservation about Obama doing a little boasting and not at all because the Republicans would've been even worse about it had the deed gone down with one of their own in the White House.

I'm rooting for Obama on this because it's about time we all admitted Democrats rock on national defense.

"Nancy Pelosi sends her regards!"

They're far from perfect. Hell, they're not much more than a friendly face on the same old crooked system. But give 'em a foreigner to blast the crap out of and they deliver perfectly every time.

Remember Mogadishu? That was the only operation in Somalia Clinton wasn't briefed on and he was spitting holy fire when he found out. Aidid handed back the captured black hawk pilot because ol' Bubba informed him in no uncertain terms that every US Marine would be shoved up Somalia's collective ass if it didn't give us back our man. Obama has continued that proud tradition of disproportionate retribution, not just with icing Osama but also with terrorizing pirates and generally making it clear that you do not fuck with the United States.

And it pisses the Republicans off because they know they could never do it too.

Let's look at the GOP's track record. Reagen? That reptile ran away from Hezbollah and sold weapons to Iran - when Khomeini was still in charge! - just so he could finance a bunch of peasant murderers in South and Central America. Eisenhower? Signed an armistice with North Korea. Technically, that war never ended. Kinda like how Dubbya's wars just won't end but just fail harder every year. And Nixon? I don't wring my hands over his Christmas Day bombing - good, cold strategic thinking - but his whole "Peace with Honor" deal was just fancy political talk for "Exit, stage left even!"

The only Republican of the post war period not to be an utter cock-up on defense was Bush senior. And that's because he bombed the bajeesus out of a bunch of conscripts who'd been getting bled by the Iranians for a decade. Those poor bastards were surrendering to CNN cameramen.

That's why the GOP is throwing such a fit over Obama displaying that bin Laden scalp. Not just because he beat them to it but because it's just further evidence that when Republicans fight the wars, the wars win.